so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
