You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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