Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
