Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
