Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize