I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
