Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
