So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
