New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
