Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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