New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
