one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
