Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize