I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
