I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
