Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize