We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
