I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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