Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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