Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
