there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
