btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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