So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
