that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
