Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
