I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
