i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
