he puts the penis in happiness.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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