haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize