THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize