Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my moral compass just broke
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
