I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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