i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
