yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
