why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
