ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
