wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am spending my child support on dildos
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
