it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
