the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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