this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
