I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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