SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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