from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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