Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize