i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
