In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
