dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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