I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
