please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize