drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
