I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
