we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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