In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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