Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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