you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
