Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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