I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
