I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
