so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
