I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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