I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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