Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
