I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
