none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
