I wish I could teleport
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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