Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
