She is in my trunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
