I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
